I wrote another post for Medium.com. It is a short piece on how others seem to perceive our marriage.
Have you ever called a Military Member a hero? Did you notice how he shrank from the term, brushed it off or made a joke about it? Most military members who have been in combat and lived to tell the tales are not eager for the title of hero. If you ask, most will tell you the heroes are the guys who don’t come home.
As the spouse of one who did come home to struggle with a brain injury, survivor’s guilt and post-traumatic stress disorder among other things, I have been called a saint or angel far too often...
You can read the rest here: https://medium.com/my-modern-marriage/2f4c8b32a0e4
If you like it, you can log in with your twitter account and recommend it so that others will see it too.
Monday, June 17, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Something I wrote for Medium.com:
Dear service dog coveters,
You may think it is really cool to get to take your dog everywhere, even those places where no other dogs are allowed. You may be envious that wherever a service dog goes the handler can cuddle and snuggle with their four legged friend. That does not give you leave to behave like an ill-mannered three year old.
My husband has a service dog. Admittedly unusual in that he is an English Bulldog. Nevertheless, he provides a medical service for my husband who is a combat disabled veteran. We do not typically subscribe to the don’t-ever-touch-the-service-dog school of thought. He is a dog after all and loves nothing more than attention from people who coo over him. When he is in that vest, he has a job to do and he should not be unnecessarily distracted. So no matter what, think first and please ask the human before speaking to or touching the dog!
We have been living and traveling with a service dog for over four years now and while it is not part of my everyday experience it is my husband’s. He puts up with questions that in any other scenario would be considered incredibly rude. When asked what the dog does for my husband he usually, politely replies that he provides a medical service and tries to leave it at that. Many people let it go there. Often enough they do not.
I have seen my husband field questions from “Are you blind?” which he is not, to deeply personal probes into what type of mental and cognitive disabilities he deals with. These usually come after one of us lets someone know the dog is for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and traumatic brain injury (TBI), usually a mistake that opens the flood gates. I have heard questions that leave me speechless. He handles them like a pro – but he shouldn’t have to.
Think about it, if you saw someone walking around with a bald head would you ask if they had cancer? If you saw a person with a prosthetic leg, would you ask how they lost their limb? Imagine asking a woman, who is a perfect stranger how she got a black eye… These are personal and medical questions, there are laws requiring medical professionals to protect the privacy of details like these. Shouldn't we offer one another the same courtesy? Having a service dog is not an invitation to the world to ask personal or medical questions.
When I think of some of the worst situations my husband has experienced, a restaurant in San Francisco comes to mind. An ill-informed waitress, likely a recent immigrant based on her accent, nearly shouted that the dog was not allowed in the restaurant and that my husband would have to walk around the back of the building to be seated on the patio. It was wholly embarrassing. I could almost see the steam coming out of my husband’s ears! We have been chased through a grocery store, asked for documentation of a medical condition before boarding flights and stopped by curious but thoughtless strangers who just want to coo over the bulldog. It sometimes feels like being on parade.
So, here is a little advice to anyone who encounters a service dog:
I get to see all of this as a sort of informed outside observer and am continuously disappointed by my fellow humans. So I challenge you, next time you see a person with a service dog speak to the person, ask how their day is going and pay no attention to the dog at all. It will be hard; they are so very adorable and are an easy conversation starter for strangers. Ignore the dog because it will remind the handler that you see him as a person, not just the thing at the other end of the dog’s leash.
Dear service dog coveters,
My husband has a service dog. Admittedly unusual in that he is an English Bulldog. Nevertheless, he provides a medical service for my husband who is a combat disabled veteran. We do not typically subscribe to the don’t-ever-touch-the-service-dog school of thought. He is a dog after all and loves nothing more than attention from people who coo over him. When he is in that vest, he has a job to do and he should not be unnecessarily distracted. So no matter what, think first and please ask the human before speaking to or touching the dog!
We have been living and traveling with a service dog for over four years now and while it is not part of my everyday experience it is my husband’s. He puts up with questions that in any other scenario would be considered incredibly rude. When asked what the dog does for my husband he usually, politely replies that he provides a medical service and tries to leave it at that. Many people let it go there. Often enough they do not.
I have seen my husband field questions from “Are you blind?” which he is not, to deeply personal probes into what type of mental and cognitive disabilities he deals with. These usually come after one of us lets someone know the dog is for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and traumatic brain injury (TBI), usually a mistake that opens the flood gates. I have heard questions that leave me speechless. He handles them like a pro – but he shouldn’t have to.
Think about it, if you saw someone walking around with a bald head would you ask if they had cancer? If you saw a person with a prosthetic leg, would you ask how they lost their limb? Imagine asking a woman, who is a perfect stranger how she got a black eye… These are personal and medical questions, there are laws requiring medical professionals to protect the privacy of details like these. Shouldn't we offer one another the same courtesy? Having a service dog is not an invitation to the world to ask personal or medical questions.
When I think of some of the worst situations my husband has experienced, a restaurant in San Francisco comes to mind. An ill-informed waitress, likely a recent immigrant based on her accent, nearly shouted that the dog was not allowed in the restaurant and that my husband would have to walk around the back of the building to be seated on the patio. It was wholly embarrassing. I could almost see the steam coming out of my husband’s ears! We have been chased through a grocery store, asked for documentation of a medical condition before boarding flights and stopped by curious but thoughtless strangers who just want to coo over the bulldog. It sometimes feels like being on parade.
So, here is a little advice to anyone who encounters a service dog:
- Speak to the human first, not the dog. Introduce yourself.
- Remember you may not be able to see the disability the dog assists with, so try to be understanding.
- USE YOUR MANNERS, be polite!
I get to see all of this as a sort of informed outside observer and am continuously disappointed by my fellow humans. So I challenge you, next time you see a person with a service dog speak to the person, ask how their day is going and pay no attention to the dog at all. It will be hard; they are so very adorable and are an easy conversation starter for strangers. Ignore the dog because it will remind the handler that you see him as a person, not just the thing at the other end of the dog’s leash.
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